I’d been held down, before, when trying to give my blog and my efforts exposure: usually, I was utterly refused under the pretense of elitist-grade rules that essentially meant that because I was a lower-tier blog I was not entitled to the exposure that higher-tier blogs and websites somehow deserved. Whenever I fought it, it resulted in bans, sometimes; sometimes it was just an argument or a lot of anger from my side but it never really felt like I was doing anything productive. It just felt like I was bitching and whining about how unfair it seemed; yes, it was unfair, but that didn’t change what it was. It always felt like I was fighting a hopeless battle that I was only fighting because I was towing the line, alone, for what was right and ethical; when I did win, it never resulted in much. However, every victory was one that kept me moving forward and I felt proud because I felt I was making moral victories… but I realize, now, that I never progressed because those victories were personal victories, not victories for this blog or anything else I was doing.
Things seem a tad different, now: when I worked for Broken Joysticks, I did everything I could to be as transparent as possible, to be a contribution of value, to inspire integrity, quality, and to be a beacon to motivate who I could to move the site forward and onward. Whenever there was a problem, I would either try to do what I could to help fix it or suggest ways that someone else could fix it or make it work. Those responsible for the site’s management seemed extremely ambitious so I wanted to be a part of their success and help them get to where they wanted to be. However, it would seem that, in spite of that, I tried way too damn hard and while they made a valiant effort to make me and others feel valued it wasn’t as though they were making any concerted effort to actually place any value into my contributions up until they offered to start paying me this month which clearly wasn’t working for them, as I was also fired on the same month. I know I was a shit disturber and they likely knew I didn’t agree with a lot of what they did, ethically, and that was probably more than likely the reason for my departure, as opposed to the reasons given, but that’s one of those things that I’ll never really know for sure so it’s not really my place to speculate.
What I’m getting at is that, there, I felt as though I wasn’t fighting against some kind of elitism or some kind of ignorance and stupidity as my progress wasn’t exactly being halted: I was able to attain a little bit of success and I was free to be posting my articles and material wherever I wanted without much trouble, yet again… but my success wasn’t for myself. It didn’t help me. The success gained wasn’t shared by the top down to myself. It was kept at the top and any charity shown to me was of the “you gotta spend money to make money” and “you gotta break a few eggs to make omelettes” mentalities and it had nothing to do with giving me a taste of their success. It was all about taking and keeping for themselves. They owned the site, they were entitled to that. That was part of why I appreciated them paying me for my work based on a contract I agreed to and, according to the owner, I violated in taking a little self-interest in the projects I sought support for, stating that it was a conflict of interest. I had a taste of the kind of thing I finally wanted but between this and some of the things I talked about in my last article, it begged the question: “What is success if it comes at a cost of who you are?” I had that conflict of conscience a lot in recent weeks and especially since a particular incident internally that I won’t go on about for the sake of professionalism but let’s just say that I stood for personal integrity and the concern was more for something like hits and “MUH FEELINGS” but I digress, I don’t want to get too into it, heh.
Having been let go may have been a blessing in disguise; it’s like being fired from the man and having that allow you to go into business for yourself. Sure, it’s not nearly as rewarding, monetarily, and it won’t ever result in getting anywhere really awesome, really quickly, but… well, what in life that’s worth it comes that easily? Nothing, that’s what. It feels as though I’m liberated in the sense that I’ll never have to deal with that stress again because I’m doing me over here, on my blog, and there’s no one telling me I can’t be who I am.
With that in mind, I’ve decided to finally settle on a schedule to start work on my blog in earnest and get to working on my projects as well, regardless of the state of my crowdfunding. My new schedule will be as follows:
Metal Gear Mondays: We will be celebrating one of my favorite franchises in the history of ever and I will be doing content on that day to celebrate that franchise. I’ve been planning on talking about David Bowie in some fashion and seeing as David Bowie has strongly influenced a lot of Hideo Kojima’s work on Metal Gear, I think that should be my first attempt.
WedNESdays/WedSNESdays: This is something I’ve been wanting to do for some time. I’m just going to gush about games and stories from two of the best systems of all time.
Throwback Thursdays: This will be a day to do retro content of any sort. I should also note that we are in the current generation, there is no next generation, just yet, and anything previous to the PlayStation 3 / XBOX 360 is considered retro, to me. Expect a lot of variety and good nostalgic feelings, here.
Fallout Friday: I have a long way to get the Platinum Trophy for the game and I’m ready to admit it. Going after this day by day isn’t working for me anymore so I’m going to take each Friday and tackle nothing but Fallout content but for the foreseeable future, it will be able me getting my Platinum.
Soapbox Sunday: There was a feature I did back on Gaming Precision that was called “The Soapbox” and I was kind of known for it. I want to go back to that kind of content where I create content that can be summed up as an opportunity for me to rant and rave about whatever has been hanging over my head that week.
As for what’s happening through the days I’ve missed, well, I need non-themed days to talk about other things, you know!
Starting tomorrow, we’re going to see a lot less whining about the current state of things and I’m going to make something of what we’re doing here.